In defense of the $2,800 sauna

Costco is offering a two person steam sauna for $2,800 and I am here in its defense.

Heat, Steam, Ventilation

Those familiar with the foundation of good sauna often refer to the holy trinity of sauna as heat, steam and ventilation.

This sauna delivers on all three. To what degree is surely up for debate.

• Heat: Granted the heat source for this $2,800 sauna is an electro Harvia toaster oven that looks to hold about 12 rocks. The heater may not pack the punch or resonate with the lämpömassa producing agents of thicker steel or a chamber containing more rocks (all of which get hot), or a surround that absorbs and reflects heat. However, this $2,800 sauna comes with a sauna heater, and the heater does heat rock.
• Steam: Unlike infrared cabins or heat blankets mislabeled as “sauna,” one can throw water on the rocks of this two person steam sauna to make löyly.
• Ventilation: There is a vent. And there is a door to crack open with a pebble should one get freaked out about possible CO2 levels.

The fat tail

Along the spectrum of sauna (as a noun, the place we go), as we think about the context of where the fat tail of North Americans lie along the consumer spectrum, well, most people have scant access to sauna. Infrared cabins are a purchasable option, but as we know, infrared cabins are not sauna.

Health clubs may offer sauna as part of their marketing brochure, but virtually all health club saunas prohibit water to be tossed on sauna rocks: not sauna. When health clubs start integrating heaters with protected elements, we will start seeing these kinds of signs:

Getting on the sauna bench

So, the North American want-to-be-sauna enthusiast is left with a challenge. One the one hand, we are being prodded along by slick marketing videos on Instagram, touting Windex window heavy bougie saunas costing the better part of an annual wage. And, on the other hand, we need a few Wim Hof breaths to cut through the fake claims from the infrared hucksters, pushing their facsimiles of saunas, which aren’t saunas at all.

What’s a want-to-be-sauna enthusiast to do?

For about the same price as an electro-element-exposed sauna heater from the Baltic Cowboys, one can instead click “buy now” from Cosco on Tuesday. Then, take delivery by Friday, and get a sweat going by Friday, Happy Hour. For $2,800, in defense, one can make löyly, kick on an episode of Sauna Talk, and celebrate the virtues of heat, steam and ventilation. One can do this right at home, inside their panel assembled Almost Heaven sauna from Cosco.

Free from pedantic chatter

The fine folks at Almost Heaven are a proven, longtime Cosco vendor. Almost Heaven has been stamping out their easy to ship and assemble barrel sauna line for over a decade now. The Finnish company Harvia acquired Almost Heaven in 2018, giving Harvia a vertically integrated presence right in the fat tail of the North America sauna consumer. (Oh, they are Finnish… so, it must be good, right?!).

In defense of the $2,800 sauna, the want-to-be-sauna-sweater can free themselves from much of the pedantic chatter on social media forums of what is good sauna and what is not good sauna. As, for this price, the purchaser can sit on the narrow bench in peace. “WTF, i’m sweating.” Throw throw water like any Finn. Further, with a little practice on how to roll their R’s like Jake Newport, for $2,800, it wouldn’t be hard to win sauna friends and influence others. “come sauna in my Harvia Finnish sauna.”

If I had a hot ash hoe pointed at my back, I would sauna in this sauna. I would do so, checking the boxes of the holy trinity of good sauna: heat, steam, ventilation.

The $15,000 sauna business

If I were considering starting a sauna business, i’d consider purchasing three these saunas. Deck out each one with some funky signature elements, like different lighting, and wall treatments. I’d be in the butts on the bench business for $10,000. Plus, I’d have a bunch of cash back on my Costco card. At some point in the future, sure, these saunas would start to break down. But, by then, I’d have saved some coin, invested in this book on how to build a sauna, and be well on my way to a higher level of thermal goodness.

This $2,800 sauna is good for sauna. It gets people on the sauna bench. Like Mikkel Aaland says, “the best saunas are the ones that get used.” This sauna puts people in a position to use it once a month, like their fondu maker on their top shelf in their kitchen. Or, this sauna puts people in a position to use it everyday. Wear it out, and be ready to climb the authentic sauna ladder to a better sauna.